Bloody humans! Gangling around and bumping into the corners of desks. Spilling their too-much-milk coffee over keyboards and circuitry. Publishing national tests, on government department websites, as practice materials. Bloody humans!
I bloody love humans. With their incongruous hair growth and their general perpendicularity. I love their brokenness and their derision of cats who don’t understand death.
I love the person who frantically searched for a practice paper (someone who probably worries a lot about redundancy and rental payments). I love that they quickly previewed a pdf and thought “Yeah, that’ll do.” and then clicked publish before dashing off for a meeting that was called by someone with more time and money than this beautiful specimen of human frailty will ever see.
I bloody love humans with their “two legs better”, and I love this one more, right now, than the rest.
I hope they keep their job. Better still, I dream that they will be raised to the height of this now revealed to be most-human government department. That humility and fractured grace should rule us: I would forgive most anything for that.
Two-legged, incongruously haired and perpendicular underling, you are forgiven. Rise before us. Rise.
Rise, underling. Rapture.
Inherit the Department for Education and let us all, at last, breathe – human again.