This Christmas, my tutees will be the proud recipients of a gift worthy of the nomenclatúre: INNOVATION. [said in the voice of the lovechild of Brian Blessed and Matt Berry, complete with inappropriate force and incorrectly stressed syllables]
Each student will receive a writing implement that can also be used for illustration.
Each student will gratefully grasp within their grubby palms a device: a device that will alter their perception of space/time.
Each extremely grateful pupil will behold, then actually hold an hexagonál cylinder of such portent that their very eyes will gleam with said portent.
For they will hold… THE TIME PENCIL! [said with a deranging rise in intonation.]
Not a time plimsoll; that was last year (went down like a lead balloon – which was the previous year, and went down like a storm (three years ago and a damp squib (which was a hit four years ago))).
The Time Pencil is a pencil ordináry in its outward appearance except for one small and revolutionary detail: IT TRAVELS FORWARD IN TI-IME.
Not only does it travel forward in time (into the futûre where its users’ jobs are likely to be waiting for them and it), it is also an intelligent time pencil. For it travels forward in time AT EXACTLY THE SAME SPEED AS ITS USER! [also said with rising intonation.]
Yes. Not like your common-or-garden fluctuating pencil, popping back and forth unpredictably in time. Take the pencil closest to you in hand and peer at it closely… Didn’t see anything amiss, did you? But try getting it carbon-dated at weekly intervals and you’d be shocked at the results (and the cost). Your common pencíls are dotting all over the continuum, they are. Like Scott Bakula in Quantum Leap – except without a moral purpose.
Impressed, arén’t you?
I knew you would be. And my students will be too: reaching out, doe-eyed with grateful awe.
I can barely wait. Perhaps I’ll pop forward and take a peek.
Best not: don’t want to break THE TIME PENCÍL.