Shadow education minister for the day

The winning student frowns at a busted serial cable dangling from an interactive whiteboard.

In order to encourage greater responsibility, school ownership and engagement with the wider world, I am offering our students the chance to be “Shadow Education Minister for the Day”.

The winner will get to swan, grinning, around our school, play with an interactive whiteboard, stroke his or her chin with one eyebrow raised whilst “listening” to our head teacher, and finally frown at a group of teaching assistants as they tell him about their workload.

What will our plucky, lucky students have to do to win this prize? Well, that’s simple. All they need to do is come up with the single-most cretinous, self-serving, soundbite-generating, teacher-baiting, hair brained, half-baked, thoughtless, just plain STUPID idea to “improve” teaching.

We’re doing quite well. So far the kids have suggested the following:

A God of Teaching be incorporated, to whom teachers must pray each morning.

All teachers should be supplied with a working magic wand to fix any problems they have in school (said wand could also be given to management to solve school-wide issues). Should said wand appear too fanciful, a “magic bullet” would also serve.

And finally, teachers who sometimes sigh should be punched in the teeth.

I’m very proud: our students have proven themselves to be far more satirical than I could ever be.

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